Monkey Day

Happy Monkey Day, everybody!


Sometimes I feel like my love affair with TV is one sided. If TV really loved me back it wouldn’t go around canceling my favorite shows. TV can be cruel.

I was all excited to see a new episode of Arrested Development last night. There aren’t many more left now that it appears FOX has pulled the plug. I plopped down in front of the TV to watch it, but it wasn’t on. The local FOX affiliate was airing some hour long St. Jude’s paid programming advertisement. It’s bad enough that I don’t get to see the funniest show on television, now I’m depressed from seeing kids with cancer. TV hates me.

Ear Candy

The wait is finally over. I got my PEZ MP3 in the mail today. I have to give my props to Pat.

It’s slightly larger than a real PEZ dispenser, but you don’t really notice that until you look at them side by side. This thing is pretty solid. It took an accidental four-foot drop with no problems.

I was only able to load 80 MP3s, just under 490MB, onto it before it filled up. The sound quality isn’t bad. I wouldn’t recommend it for the audiophiles out there, but for a PEZ enthusiast like me it’s a nifty little gadget.

Oddly, 2 of the 12 preloaded indie songs were missing.

Now I just have to mod it so I can put on a different head. I’m thinking either Spider-Man or Mario.

Xmas Wishlist 2005

#6 The Green Goblin big rig from Maximum Overdrive

One of the coolest looking vehicles in cinema history. If I had this thing I would drive up behind people and scare them. And I would finally have an excuse to use CB lingo.

Breaker 1-9, this here’s the Green Goblin. You got your ears on, good buddy?

#7 Bang & Olufsen BeoSound 3200

As seen in the OR of McNamara-Troy on Nip/Tuck.

Xmas Wishlist 2005

#4 Henchmen

I need about 5 or 6 underlings that I can order to eliminate my enemies. They should all be dressed alike and have names like “Biff” or “Pirate #3” emblazoned across their chests like on the old Batman show. Metal teeth and steel-brimmed bowlers are always a plus.

#5 Adamantium Skeleton

In the event that my henchmen fail to protect me, a skeleton made of adamantium could come in handy. However, I don’t necessarily know if I want retractable blades in my hands. That could be extremely dangerous for someone as accident prone as me.

Xmas Wishlist 2005

I honestly can’t decide which one I like the most. So I said to myself, “What the hell, why not both?”

As much as I love this country, I may have to move to Canada if they continue to produce women like these two and Morgan Webb.

Xmas Wishlist 2005

It’s that time of year again. I’d better get started releasing my annual wishlist of incredibly expensive and/or impossible to get items.

GI Dusty

#1 My Own Personal Action Figure

Fully poseable Dusty figure features Kung Fu grip, realistic sideburns, gullibility detection, throat-clearing action, and lifelike injury simulation. Accessory bundle includes:

  • fake mustache
  • PEZ dispenser
  • fishing rod
  • interchangeable amusing t-shirts

Embedded voice chip plays memorable quotes such as:

  • “Arrrr!”
  • “That’s like raping someone in a coma.”
  • “There’s no greater waste than a nice rack on a girl with an ugly face.”
  • “Did you get that URL I sent you?”
  • “It’s in the book.”
  • “Pigs are magical animals.”
  • and much more.

Fortress of Slack-itude play set sold separately. Batteries and motivation not included.