Feeling Gassy

I was driving back here yesterday and stopped to get gas. I pulled off the interstate and there at the end of the off ramp was a guy holding a handmade sign that read, ‘HUNGRY WILL WORK.’ I don’t care how hungry you are, there is no excuse for lack of punctuation. I shouldn’t make light of the hardships of others, but it’s funny.

When I pump my gas I always use the little lever under the trigger so I don’t have to squeeze it the whole time. The guy at the pump in front of me wasn’t doing that. He just stood there squeezing the handle, watching the meter tick away his hard earned cash. He was so focused on the meter in fact, that he didn’t notice when his tank filled up and gas started spewing out onto the ground. I probably should have yelled at him, but it was funny watching him repeatedly squeeze the handle so he could end up at an even dollar amount, a miniature gasoline geyser spewing forth with each squeeze. In all, he probably wasted half a gallon.

All the pumps had signs stating that payments had to be made inside at the register and that this inconvenience would be ‘temperory’. The misspelling is somewhat excusable considering all the employees appeared to speak English as a second language. The guy who spilled the gas walked in as I was paying. The cashier said, “Sir, you drop a lot of gas.” The guy was still oblivious to what had happened. The cashier continued to scold him as I left.

Farewell, Old Friend

My TV is sick. There are white lines across the top 3 or 4 inches of the screen when I first turn it on after it has been off for a while. They go away after a couple minutes, once the set gets warmed up. Occasionally, the TV will just turn itself off. I have to unplug it for about 30 seconds before I can turn it back on. This looks like the beginning of the end for my TV. It’s been a good TV. I’ve had it for at least 10 years. Over that time it has seen a lot of use. I’m surprised it isn’t already dead.

I’m currently looking for a replacement. It would be pointless to buy anything other than an HDTV right now. The Black Friday ads have started to trickle in, but I haven’t seen many TVs within my budget that really stand out. I’ll probably wait until after the holidays to buy anything.

Fork It

I don’t have a dishwasher. For the last several years I’ve been taking my dishes down to the creek and washing them like a caveman. There was a time when I would wash a plate immediately after using it. That was about the only area in which my slacking was lacking. But with my busy schedule of playing video games, watching TV, and sometimes doing homework, it didn’t take long for the dishes in my sink to start stacking up. So about every two weeks I would run out of clean cereal bowls and have to start washing.

Silverware is a pain to wash by hand. That doesn’t make sense. There’s much less surface area to have to clean than there is with a dinner plate. It’s one of the mysteries of the universe. Eventually I got to where I would wash everything except the silverware and leave that for another day. As you can probably guess by now, that day never came. Inevitably I ended up with one fork and one spoon that I always kept clean while the rest sat in the sink.

One day I was feeling a little ambitious and thought I would wash the silverware. It must have been one of those days that my cable was out. If washing them was a pain before, it was hell now that they had sat there and tarnished. For a while I used plastic utensils, but they literally just didn’t cut it. I decided it would be easier just to throw the old stuff out and buy new, this time making sure I kept them clean.

I went to Wal-Mart today to buy some. As it turns out, silverware is more expensive than what I expected. I was standing there in the aisle, calculating which set to buy based on cheapest cost per utensil, when this small woman walked by. It must have been apparent to her that I was out of my element. She stopped and schooled me in the way of the spoon. I learned more than I ever wanted to know. She showed me the silverware that her mother has and loves. So I ended up buying a 20 piece set just like it but in a different design. It wasn’t until I got out to my truck that I realized I don’t give a crap about the quality of silverware. What I bought won’t get the food into my mouth any faster than the cheaper stuff, and that’s the only thing that matters. Oh well. I hope I never end up having to feed more than four people here, or some of them will end up having to share a knife.

Cheddar's… Bleh

Eric and Leslie were in Cookeville today and they came by to see me this evening. We ate at the new restaurant in town, Cheddar’s. It was my first time there, and I didn’t much care for it. I got the chicken and shrimp. The chicken was really bland, just like the chicken at Rafferty’s that I don’t really like but always order. The shrimp wasn’t much better. The food was cheaper than most places though, so I guess it would be a good place to eat if you’re low on cash.

'I don't go to sleep to dream'

I do my best thinking just before I fall asleep. Sometimes a problem can have me stumped for hours, then I lie down for a little nap and the answer will come to me. When that happens I have to get up immediately. Otherwise I’ll fall asleep and forget what I was just thinking. I’m almost certain that I once proved the Riemann Hypothesis just before nodding off.

But, just like when I’m awake, most of my time spent falling asleep isn’t very productive. The other night I was trying to figure out how much my arm weighed. It doesn’t seem like it would be very heavy. It would obviously be much lighter than my leg. I know how much my whole body weighs. Maybe I can figure out how much my arm weighs in proportion to the rest of my body. But that may not be an accurate way to approach this problem because some of my body parts may be denser than others. Fat is less dense than muscle and bone, and I know where most of the fat on my body is located. I drink a lot of milk, so are my bones more dense than an average person’s bones? My torso is pretty much just a bone cage packed with organs. What keeps my organs in place? I mean, if I stood on my head what would stop my liver from sliding down into my chest? Wouldn’t it be cool if you could move your organs around to different parts of you body, thereby altering your center of gravity. That’s the last thing I remember.

An Uneventful Trip to the Grocery Store

I went grocery shopping today because I have grown tired of eating bread sandwiches. Some of you may recall my encounter with a mean wig-wearing woman in line at Kroger last year. I’ve seen her there a few times since then. She was there again today. It’s kind of weird that I would run into her there so often. Well, this time she wasn’t wearing her wig. She just had a hat on.

I got a new toothbrush. I had a hard time picking one out. Toothbrush technology has gotten out of hand. You’ve got bristles pointing every which way, ergonomic handles, flexible necks, anti-gingivitis rays, and tartar-seeking fluoride missiles. Yet somehow, people are still getting cavities in this day and age.

The Agony and the Ecstacy

I’ve spent the last few nights playing Guitar Hero until my fingers go numb. I finished the Easy and Medium difficulty levels in Career Mode. Last night I did the first five songs under Hard. My whole hand cramped up and my wrist ached. Carpal tunnel has never felt so good.

As I drift off to sleep with a song from the game in my head, I see the tabs scrolling toward me and my fingers begin to twitch.