Devil Dog

We have no idea when Banjo was born. We found him around Christmas, and at that time the vet suspected he was about two months old. So I decided his birthdy should be on Halloween. It’s weird that some people celebrate their pets’ birthdays. I made a Krypto dog tag out of a Superman keychain to put on a new leather collar I bought for him. I also bought a book on obedience training. He needs that more than anything.

Growing Problem

Over the years I’ve noticed a problem here in Cookeville that has been getting progressively worse. People blatantly running red lights. I see it happen almost every day. Yesterday afternoon I was out taking care of some errands for about an hour and saw four cars run four different red lights. They weren’t even close to making the yellow light either.

People are idiots. They don’t realize the danger in what they’re doing. I used to be the first one off the line as soon as the light turned green, but now I wait to make sure traffic has stopped in all directions before I move. I shouldn’t have to do that.


Yesterday I hit the TV listings with high hopes. Surely there must be some good horror movies on during the week before Halloween. With the exception of only a handful of movies, this year’s Halloween line up is pretty weak.

I remember when AMC used to show those good old movies with Vincent Price or Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing. Now their idea of “classics” consists of crap like Psycho III and Piñata: Survival Island . They are showing a few movies worth seeing, but unfortunately most of them will be shown during times that the average person is sleeping.

The light at the end of the tunnel is TCM. They will be showing several old scary movies starting bright and early on Halloween.

Tonight at 8/7c, ABC will be airing ‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’. However, it doesn’t look like ‘Garfield ‘s Halloween Adventure’ will be on this year. That’s a shame. Those ghost pirates really creeped me out when I was a kid.

100 Things to Do Before I Die

It’s been almost a year since I started this list, and almost 6 months since I finished it. Since then I’ve removed a couple things that don’t seem like such good ideas now. I also modified a couple things to make them more achievable. I’m still not sure about that going to space thing though. I’ve started categorizing the list and plan to start marking off the easier ones very soon.

1. Eat frog legs.
2. Overcome my fear of bees and wasps.
3. Tie bed sheets together and use them to climb out of a window.
4. Win a Halloween costume contest.
5. Find the remains of the cabin in Morristown where Evil Dead was filmed.
6. Tour the Bell Witch Cave.
7. Get banned from a place of business.
8. Play a game of lacrosse.
9. Handcuff a briefcase to my wrist.
10. Visit every state park in Tennessee.
11. Write a message in a bottle.
12. Be in a food fight.
13. Learn to cook pineapple fried rice.
14. Pick up a hitchhiker.
15. Research my family tree.
16. Jump out of a moving vehicle.
17. Use a bullhorn.
18. Own a handgun.
19. Eat at a KFC in Kentucky.
20. Use night vision goggles.
21. Get a tattoo.
22. See Stonehenge.
23. See a live volcano.
24. Visit Australia.
25. See Mount Rushmore.
26. Take an Alaskan cruise.
27. Search for Bigfoot.
28. See the St. Louis Arch.
29. Tour Alcatraz Island.
30. Go whale watching.
31. See the Grand Canyon.
32. Play a game of Donkey Kong at Funspot.
33. Visit Yellowstone.
34. Get as close as possible to Area 51.
35. See Niagara Falls.
36. Go to LEGOLAND.
37. Travel around the country in a Winnebago.
38. See the Statue of Liberty.
39. Tour Washington D.C.
40. Experience a total eclipse.
41. Compete in the Rock Paper Scissors International World Championships.
42. Attend a PEZ convention.
43. Watch the Aurora Borealis.
44. Attend a BCS Championship game (preferably Tennessee if they make it again).
45. Watch an Olympic event in person.
46. Learn to play a musical instrument.
47. Learn to drive a manual transmission.
48. Master card counting.
49. Teach Banjo a stupid trick that will get us on Letterman.
50. Take stunt driving classes.
51. Learn to pick locks.
52. Take up carpentry as a hobby.
53. Train a dog to run an agility course.
54. Learn to beatbox.
55. Become fluent in another language.
56. Practice one video game until I master it.
57. Become an excellent foosball player.
58. Hotwire a car.
59. Be a contestant on Jeopardy.
60. Get into the Guinness Book of World Records somehow.
61. Patent an invention.
62. Be my own boss.
63. Be a father.
64. Get married in Las Vegas.
65. When I’m an old man, sit in a rocking chair on the porch and whittle.
66. Coach a youth swim team.
67. Visit the Microsoft campus.
68. Write my memoirs.
69. Sponsor a third-world child.
70. Play Monopoly with real money.
71. Join the Polar Bear Club.
72. Compete in a bass fishing tournament.
73. Open a Swiss bank account.
74. Write a screenplay.
75. Build and spend the night in a tree house.
76. Build a secret passageway behind a bookcase.
77. Have an aquarium that contains piranha, small sharks, or an octopus.
78. Have my own soda fountain.
79. Start an arcade and pinball machine collection.
80. Have a pet goat.
81. Buy a boat.
82. Buy a late 60’s-early 70’s muscle car.
83. Buy a DeLorean.
84. Undergo hypnosis.
85. Play baccarat in a casino.
86. Hike the Appalachian Trail.
87. Chase a tornado.
88. Be part of a live studio audience.
89. Feed an alligator.
90. Be an extra in a movie.
91. Sink up to my waist in quicksand.
92. Find the world’s best donut.
93. Ride on a double-decker bus.
94. Drive an Aston Martin.
95. Ride a snowmobile.
96. Ride in a hot air balloon.
97. Tackle a purse snatcher.
98. Serve on a jury.
99. Meet a President.
100. Be a space tourist.

Crazy Like a FOX

FOX is on the fast track to becoming my most hated television network. They have been showing the MLB playoffs almost every night for the last few weeks. So I’m having to go 3-5 weeks without watching some of my favorite shows.

Arrested Development is struggling enough as it is. When FOX stops airing the show for a month it stands a chance of losing any new viewers it has gained so far this season. It reminds me of how FOX used to preempt Futurama with football every Sunday night, which ultimately led to the show’s demise.

We’ve just barely started the new TV season and then FOX replaces most of its primetime programming with baseball. They do it every year. That’s why The Simpson’s annual Treehouse of Horror episode doesn’t air until a week after Halloween.

It wouldn’t bother me if FOX showed the World Series for a week instead of their regular line up. But the playoffs belong over on FOX Sports Net. That’s what it’s there for.


I ran out of shampoo during my shower this morning, so I hopped out and searched for some more under the sink. The only thing I could find was some baby shampoo that Cortney used for giving her dogs baths. I don’t care what kind of shampoo it is so long as it gets my hair clean.

When I was rinsing my hair I got some of the shampoo water in my mouth. I almost threw up. It was the bitterest stuff I’ve ever tasted in my life. I guess they make it taste bad so babies won’t swallow it. I would rather use shampoo that burns my eyes than have to taste that crap again.

Open for bidness

So, here we are. I figured this would get me back into the habit of blogging more often. I also kind of missed having my own site.