Slasher preparedness.

I like movies, particularly horror movies. When I find myself in certain situations I like to play out mini horror movies in my mind. I can’t count how many times we’ve been on a road trip, gotten a flat tire, and been attacked by hillbilly cannibals. Or Steven pulls a Norman Bates and kills us all.

We’ve been planning this trip to Pigeon Forge for a while now. A group of friends… in a cabin… in the woods. It’s the most overused horror setting ever. I’ve had plenty of time to picture how this will go down.

The first night I would go for a walk alone and be the first to die when an escaped mental patient drives a pickax through the back of my skull. No one would notice I was gone until lunchtime the next day. Even then they would just say, “Oh, that’s Dusty. I’m sure he’ll show up before we leave.”

That night Eric gets strangled with a power cord in bed while Leslie is in the shower. It takes her five minutes after she comes to bed to even notice Eric is dead. By then it’s too late as her throat gets pierced by an arrow from a crossbow.

To make a long story short, Faith, the heroine, is the only one to make it out alive after she hits the killer with a car and sends him tumbling off the side of a cliff. Of course when the cops show up they don’t find his body. The end. Watch the sequel next year.

Now it appears unfortunate circumstances will prevent Faith from coming, but Andy will be coming up Saturday. That changes the story completely. I’ll have to think about it a little longer, but more than likely Andy will find three corpses when he shows up.

And now everyone is probably scared to be around me.

Xmas Wishlist 2004.

For those of you who still haven’t bought my Christmas present this year, here’s a list of stuff you need to get me:

Laks Memory Music: A watch with built in 512 MB Flash memory, MP3 player, and voice recorder. It’s rechargeable through USB.

OQO model 1 uPC: It’s not a PDA, it’s a tiny PC with 1 GHz CPU, 20 GB hard drive, 256 MB DDR RAM, WiFi, and Bluetooth.

Logitech MX1000 Laser Mouse: A cordless mouse that uses a laser sensor that’s 20x more sensitive than your average optical mouse.

Moto Razr V3: It has the same features as most cell phones, but it just looks sweet.

X-Top 5-over-5 Multiple LCD Monitor Display: An array of 10 LCD monitors. Makes my eyes water just thinking about it.

Mattel Hoverboard from Back to the Future 2: One of the hoverboard props used from my favorite movie trilogy. Check out the link for lots of other movie props for sale.

Navis: Computer desks are now obsolete.

Jimi Hendrix’s 1968 Fender Strat: The guitar Jimi played at Woodstock is currently owned by Paul Allen. For some reason I don’t think he’d be willing to sell it, but if he were it would probably cost somewhere around $2 million.