Xmas Wishlist 2007

Halloween has passed, and Thanksgiving is right around the corner. That can only mean one thing. Time to get started on my annual Christmas Wishlist.

#1. Blendtec Total Blender. The blender that will blend just about anything. Anything but Chuck Norris. Don’t breathe this.

#2. FPS Vest

#3. Deluxe modPod Egg Chair

Xmas Wishlist 2006

#4. Hendrix Hand Transplant.

I want my hands cut off and replaced with those of Jimi Hendrix. I’m pretty sure that’s the only way I’m going to beat GHII on Expert. Playing left-handed will take some getting used to.

Xmas Wishlist 2006

#2. Kingsfall.

Knowing that daggers like this exist makes me realize that I need to join a good guild whenever I get back into WoW.

#3. Telekinesis.

I’ve tried to move objects with my mind (usually the remote control that’s just out of reach), but it never works. I think having telekinesis is the only thing that could make me lazier than I already am.

Xmas Wishlist 2006

It’s that time of year again. Let’s get this list started.

My Ewok#1. I want my very own Ewok.

Picture this. Jehovah’s witnesses show up on your doorstep. Before slamming the door in their face you let out a sharp whistle, signaling the Ewok on your roof to begin pelting them with rocks.

Or some jerk is tailgating you on the interstate. You pop your trunk open and the Ewok waiting inside chucks a spear through the guy’s radiator.

I don’t know if Ewok’s shed, but unlike other pets you can tell an Ewok to clean its fur off the couch. And they probably just eat tree bark and dirt and stuff, so you don’t even have to buy food for them.

Xmas Wishlist 2005

#6 The Green Goblin big rig from Maximum Overdrive

One of the coolest looking vehicles in cinema history. If I had this thing I would drive up behind people and scare them. And I would finally have an excuse to use CB lingo.

Breaker 1-9, this here’s the Green Goblin. You got your ears on, good buddy?

#7 Bang & Olufsen BeoSound 3200

As seen in the OR of McNamara-Troy on Nip/Tuck.

Xmas Wishlist 2005

#4 Henchmen

I need about 5 or 6 underlings that I can order to eliminate my enemies. They should all be dressed alike and have names like “Biff” or “Pirate #3″ emblazoned across their chests like on the old Batman show. Metal teeth and steel-brimmed bowlers are always a plus.

#5 Adamantium Skeleton

In the event that my henchmen fail to protect me, a skeleton made of adamantium could come in handy. However, I don’t necessarily know if I want retractable blades in my hands. That could be extremely dangerous for someone as accident prone as me.

Xmas Wishlist 2005

I honestly can’t decide which one I like the most. So I said to myself, “What the hell, why not both?”

As much as I love this country, I may have to move to Canada if they continue to produce women like these two and Morgan Webb.